Journal Entry - Oct 14, 2005.
Woke up this morning to a bright, sunny and beautiful day. We are in Dubai UAE and after our 14 hour flight from NYC; we slept like babies last night. Darrell is just waking up and apparently his back hurts. OK - a few minutes later, Darrell can barely walk, his back is out due to our 14 hour flight which was a bit uncomfortable as the seats were clearly made for anorexic midgets....which is kind of ironic as, Darrell comes closer to fitting that bill than I do yet my back feels great?! Darrell is in such pain we head over to the Dubai hospital. Flight to UAE $1,200; fancy hotel in Downtown Dubai $400 a night, spending the first morning of your vacation in a gender segregated hospital....PRICELESS! Yes, I said gender segregated. The women have to stay within the "women's area" and the men can, of course, roam free....naked if they like because they are men.
So I wait in the "Women's only" area and am stared at by everyone who walks past. They give Darrell some kind of shot which does nothing but make him more annoying....which frankly, I didn't think was possible. Then they dope him up on pain pills which also does nothing. Anyway, Darrell is in pain but we are in Dubai and he swears he is going to be a trooper so off we go. Its mid-October but it’s hotter than hell here. It’s about 98 degrees with 95% humidity...oh did I mention that it’s Ramadan? Yah, Darrell is the genius who planned our trip to Dubai during Ramadan. Half of the bars and nightclubs are closed and we can’t eat or drink anything in public (not even water) between sun up and sun down. Did I mention it was 98 degrees?? Also, because it’s Ramadan, I can’t wear shorts and instead don a long cotton skirt and a tank top (read: HOT), technically the tank top is a no-no but at this point I don't really give a shit!! So we finally leave the hospital and head into town. The first thing we do is board a dowd (boat) for a quick tour of Dubai Creek, the breeze is nice but the men glaring at me... not so nice. So we finish our boat ride and decide to hit the souks to do some shopping. The Souks are amazing!! We start at the textile souk and I purchase a lovely, small, weightless pashmina while Darrell purchases a giant, 500 lb. king size comforter (Yes, I am dead serious). I am now, unfortunately, both human crutch and bag carrying bitch. The next thing Darrell decides he cant live without is a Hooka pipe which is HUGE! Its made of metal and glass and comes in a hard shell carrying case like a mid size suitcase....beast of burden anyone? Did I mention my skirt goes to my ankles and it’s HOT here?? To simply say that its hot does not convey the sheer agony and tortuously unbearable heat, its fucking HOT is more like it! Darrell continues to buy large, unnecessary items and is getting upset that I am increasingly unable to fit everything into MY backpack. My hands are also full while he is comfortably empty handed…wouldn’t want to hurt his back anymore would we…grrrrrrrr. I'm really starting to get bitchy and Darrell, for the life of him, can’t understand why in the world I would be irritable. At about 2pm I mention that I am hungry and Darrell looks at me with absolute disgust. How dare I be hungry after lugging his shit all over Dubai for 4 hours in the heat! See, Darrell is one of those people who isn’t fat but thinks he's fat and therefore starves himself all day and only eats dinner. Me on the other hand ...I like to eat especially if I miss breakfast and have been doing cardio for 4 hours straight. Sadly, Darrell wins this fight because it’s Ramadan and the only way we could possibly eat would be to go all the way back to our hotel where we would have to order room service. This is sounding pretty good to me...drop off the 700 lbs. of crap I'm carrying AND have some lunch and a gallon of water...yes!!! YES!! YES!! But really…..No. Darrell will have none of it, I will have to wait until dinner.
I hate Darrell.
Finally around 5pm we head back to the hotel and now MY back hurts, luckily only its not too bad. I'm tired, hungry, thirsty and BITTER!!! I feel a thousand times better after my cool shower. Now its time to have dinner and drinks!! Of course I am sunburned and when I put my sassy black strapless dress on, I have what looks like a skin colored tank top on with pink arms...lovely! We head to Vu Bar at the top of a giant skyscraper in downtown Dubai. The view is amazing and the drinks are $19 each ...good thing I made Darrell pay (he owes me dammit!) Then we head to another rooftop bar but this one is open air with big cushy couches and lots of soft pillows everywhere, very Kasbah. It also has a beehive fireplaces, yummy drinks and acid jazz.....I am in heaven which is certainly better than the hell I was in all day! While lounging on a couch drinking my Grey Goose Martini (extra dirty please) a giant, prehistoric sized bug whizzes by me mid-sip and in my attempt to scream I shoot olive martini out of my nose. Darrell (who obviously didn’t see the bug) is now looking at me like me like I just bludgeoned and devoured a litter of puppies. He is clearly horrified and so he asks the obvious, "why did you do that?" I’m like....."Well, you know the moon is waning and Venus is rising and Dianna the Huntress claims that during this time, you must spew olive martini out your nose lest you face the hounds of hell” Now he just looks confused but I am laughing hysterically and frankly, if I had any more martini in my now empty glass, I would have gladly shot it out my nose again!
